What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

True - how I loved my mum!

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Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Do you know what she said mum?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

Why do men like to suck another man’s dick?

What do you mean son?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

How do I stop someone from forcing/pestering me to become gay/bisexual when I already want to be straight?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

My stepmother has banned me from the family. Can she legally keep me from going to my father's funeral?

What! how could you do that?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

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So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.